The first day of May snuck up on me like a Noon Rotarian selling house raffle tickets. I thought it was mid-April until I glanced at USA Today and noticed bold numbers declaring 4-28-13. I hadn’t even thought about my column up until then.
I admire, but can’t figure out how daily and weekly columnists come up with fresh ideas. I write this column once a month and always wait for Stephanie’s “drop dead time” warning e-mail. Usually I’ll wake up one morning at 3AM with a “flash” idea for the column. Perhaps they come from the strange dreams I have.
The column deadline was fast approaching as I boarded a plane from Tampa to Thrillville. I was coming home to aerate, over-seed and drag Kathy’s horse pastures. I was confident I would get a flash while driving the tractor.
After four hours of bouncing around on a John Deere, the only ideas that got me thinking was Lady Bird. I imagined her skydiving, snorkeling, snoring, boxing, tithing and tree trimming. I was so desperate I almost called Tim West to offer to pay him for an idea. I would even write about his cat Job (?) if necessary. I was frantic… waiting for another e-mail from the editor that would say “drop dead has passed!”
As I flew back home, it came to me: Lady Bird was a devout Baptist and insisted that the family tithe. She gave funds to nurserymen to protect and plant wildflowers along highways. Her efforts inspired beautification programs throughout the country. In addition, I’m told she even ran a tree trimming company out of the White House basement that employed 90,000 illegal immigrants from all across Texas. Believe me! My imagination went wild.
I’ve written 113 columns for Positively Naperville and the editor only nixed one. She didn’t appreciate my coverage of the movie, “Brokeback Mountain.” If she sends this one back, I’m outta work. Please let her know you like my column better than ones by Mo and Mike and the little kid foodie. I’m desperate for disparaging words!
